Memorial to Virginia Vae Staley

 

Many of you know that Mom (Jan's mom and Sam's mother-in-law) passed away a month ago. We miss her greatly, but God sent many blessings during her passing. She was able to stay here at home the entire time. Sam and I were with her when she peacefully took her last breath on this earth. Becky was here for 3 days right beforehand. Ben, Tim and their wonderful, supportive spouses, Kathy and Josie, visited Mom just a month or two before. 

We will not have a memorial service. As we did for our Dad, Ben Staley, we offer instead the above remembrance of her, put together by Tim and Becky. If you would like a paper copy, we would love to send you one.

In addition, Sam and I would like to share some of the moments we had with Mom during the past three years she was living with us in her little home on Pumpkin Patch Ranch. 

First, we'll go back more than 80 years to a photo Aunt Lou, my dad's youngest sister, just sent me. She told me she and Aunt Idee met Virginia at church gatherings in Kansas City, Kansas around 1940. Back row, from left, is Virginia Corkill and Ida Mae Staley. Front right is Mary Lou Staley. They were 5 and 6 years old. In all of my mom's stories, I never knew this!

Many years later, my dad Ben came home from work and military service. At age 25, his peers were married and starting families. He asked his little sister Idee if she knew any nice girls, and she said, how about that Corkill girl? They were married less than a year later. Virginia was 20.

Forty years, four children and four grandsons later, they enjoyed retirement together until Ben died in 2014.

Mom moved into a senior apartment for 4 years and made new friends. 

Becky and I took her on outings and helped with shopping and laundry. 

We traveled with her to family weddings and gatherings, and her sons and grandsons visited when they could. 

Then when Sam and I moved out to the ranch in 2018, Mom started talking about moving back out here with us. The little house belonged to her, so what could we say?!

It took us a few months to install a mini-split heat and air conditioning unit and a few other repairs, and Mom moved out in February, 2019.

She immediately began sprucing up the yard, and loved to walk around our long circle driveway.

Our outings moved closer to PPR as we explored our new countryside.

Becky had Mom stay with her and Juan 3 or 4 days every month, to give us a break. As you can see, Becky was a much better activity director than I was. 

Mi Casa Mexican Restaurant (723 W. 4th Street, Benson, AZ) was a favorite. Owners Andy and Santa remember Ma and Pa eating there many times in the several years they lived in or near Benson. Sam and I have continued the tradition. 

We went on road trips together, to San Antonio in the spring and Show Low in the summer. 

Mom often liked to help out with projects, such as repainting the deck and watching us work in the garden. We had dinner outdoors at the patio table when the weather was nice.

We took her to visit Linda and Don, who now own La Tortuga, the little camper that Pa and Ma built. That was a good day. However, because of her progressing dementia, Mom never remembered the outings for more than a day or a few hours. An acquaintance who cares for his wife with dementia says we have to make "good moments" instead of good memories, so that's what we tried to do. 

She had a few medical issues that meant a week or so in the hospital or rehab, which became more difficult with lockdowns in 2020. We were always so glad she lived with us in the country instead of in a nursing home, as many of you had to deal with. 

She enjoyed quiet time alone, watching TV, listening to music and reading cards and letters she had received over the years. Her nephew Jeff was most faithful with his almost weekly postcards. As the years passed, it became harder for her to understand what she read, but it always perked her up. 

In the last few years, the number one thing that brightened up Mom's life was her son-in-law, my wonderful big guy Sam. He became her favorite person (and all of her children knew it!). When Covid-19 started, Sam told Mom that he had to measure out 10 feet so he could stay a safe social distance from her.

On Easter, Sam gave Mom and I special Easter baskets. 

Then he explained that the green thing was a new style of face mask, and demonstrated how to wear it. Those of you who knew my Mom will remember how much laughter and humor were a big part of her life. 

When I talked to my Aunt Idee after Mom passed, she said that from the time they were young, whenever she saw my Mom Virginia come into the room, she knew things would be more lively and fun. My Sam is the same way, and he made her laugh every time he saw her.

Last Thanksgiving we had friends over and were short on seating, so Sam told Mom he had to sit on her lap. She loved the extra attention. 

As time went on, she couldn't always respond with a smart remark, but if looks could kill...!

I will always be grateful to Sam for all the multitude of ways he helped me take care of her. I believe God put him in my life partly because of this time, and I couldn't have done it without him. He loved her as much or more than I did myself. 

Last May, Ben and Kathy came for a visit and Mom was so happy to see them. After they left, Mom told me Kathy was her best friend from Seattle. (See, she loved her in-laws more than her kids!)

Tim and Josie came for a visit in early November and spent several days here, including another visit to Mi Casa. 

The last few months Mom's world was closing down around her, and she rarely left the house. Dingus and Frankie came for a visit, coerced by special treats. 

Ben came again in January and helped Sam build a ramp off the deck. Mom was getting weaker by that point, but with a little encouragement, wanted to try it out. It was the last time she left the house. She died about a month later. 

During the three years she lived here, I felt strongly that taking care of her was what I was supposed to be doing. I was never "best friends" with my Mom, although the time with her taught me that I did love her. I was grateful for the times about 15 years ago when I talked to her about my spiritual feelings and beliefs, which had grown in me and brought me closer to God. Spiritual things were most important to her, as much or more than humor.

The years helping her and taking care of her also taught me that I am a lot more like her than I knew. She and I shared many of the same likes, for fruit and nuts and sweets of many kinds. For working outdoors, making plants and yards look more appealing. For views of the mountains on the horizon, and a desire to recreate that beauty in paintings. 

It was an honor that God trusted me to care for her needs during the past three years, and I am grateful that he helped me do it well.

Goodbye, Ma, Mom, Virginia, Vae. You lived your life so well and honored God throughout. You raised four wonderful children and helped countless other youth and women. You brightened the days of so many friends and loved ones. We will see you again, because God has promised that to us when we put our life and trust in Him.

Virginia Vae Staley 

February 26, 1934 - February 22, 2022